There has been a new push in the parenting world about how parents should stop yelling at their children.
“Yelling Is the New Spanking” is the battle cry.
There are articles out there that talk about how detrimental it is to yell at our kids and that it’s easy to just stop.
Because of this new movement, there’s a lot of parents out there feeling guilty and frustrated that they can’t seem to stop yelling at their children.
If you have ever felt this way, let me ease your mind a bit.
Here are 5 of the big myths about yelling. Myths that most of us believe and that are totally not true.
1. I’m A Terrible Parent Because I Yell
Yelling does not make a someone a terrible parent. I bet that most people yell because they are GOOD parents.
You see, good parents try. They want to do better. They have expectations for their children. They get frustrated when their children don’t live up to those expectations.
They are worn down because they work all day to take care of their families. They try hard to make sure that their children have everything that they need.
They feel bad that they can’t do enough, or that they just aren’t enough for their children.
So it’s not surprising that we lose it every once in a while.
Bad parents don’t feel those things. Bad parents don’t try. Bad parents don’t feel the guilt. They don’t get run down trying to do it all.
Because we are good parents, we work so hard and feel so much guilt and frustration that we get overwhelmed frustrated and angry.
Good parents feel so many emotions, including anger, and bad parents don’t.
My guess is that parents feel terrible about yelling because they think….
2. I Am Permanently Damaging My Children
Oh the guilt of yelling can be so heavy.
We know it’s not good for our kids, and there are articles after articles online telling us so.
But let me tell you, yelling may not be permanently damaging to children.
In every healthy relationship there’s a balance between positive moments and negative moments. There have been intensive studies and they show that for every negative moment, we need five positive interactions to keep the relationship healthy and in balance. These studies were done with couples, but have been applied to the parent/child relationship as well.
Positive interactions can be small. A smile, a touch, small gestures. I bet you do a lot of those small gestures with your children throughout the day.
We are all going to get angry and do things that we aren’t so proud of, it’s how we make up for those things that count.
The trick is to keep things in balance. If you feel like you need help with this, check out myth #5 below.
3. I Am The Only Parent I Know Who Yells At Their Kids
Several months ago a member of The Stop Yelling Challenge told the group a story. It went something like this.
The other day, I heard screaming when I was outside with my kids. I wasn’t sure, at first, where it was coming from. I looked around and didn’t see anything, then I noticed it was coming from the outdoor intercom system that was left on at my neighbor’s house. I was hearing her yelling at her kids! My neighbor is the calm parent who I believed NEVER yelled at her kids. Ha! Guess I was wrong!
You never know who yells behind closed doors.
I know that every parent gets angry because parents are human, and anger is a human emotion.
Still don’t believe me? Check out The Stop Yelling Group with over 10,000 members. If you ever feel alone in your yelling, you can come there and meet TEN THOUSAND parents who also yell at their kids.
There’s the proof that you are NOT alone!
4. Some Parents Stop Yelling and Never Yell Again
I got trapped in this one at the beginning of my own personal challenge. I was reading blogs like The Orange Rhino who was showing everyone that she can stop for good. Except that she didn’t.
Did she yell less? Yes, and that’s amazing. But did she stop completely? Nope. She wrote very candidly about how she had a rough day and lost it on her kids. I admire that about her, I admire that she was honest with her setbacks. Because we all have them.
I also went for the better part of a year without yelling, then life got messy and hard and I started yelling again.
When life is good and a parent feels fulfilled and supported, they can go a long time without yelling.
But life can get difficult. It can get messy. When life is hard, parenting gets hard too and we might start yelling again, and that’s okay. Forgive yourself, let go of the guilt, and start again.
How we parent is 100% related to how we feel emotionally.
5. It’s Impossible for Me to Yell Less
It is possible to yell less.
I am honored to have worked with hundreds of parents who are invested in yelling less at their children. It’s been fun and so rewarding to see them turn around their families and their relationships with their children. I can not tell you how amazing it is to see parents who have struggled with yelling, build happier, yell free homes.
I was raised in a duo yelling parent household. It’s the only emotion my family readily showed, and it was more than a daily occurrence. So needless to say, I had a hard time expressing my emotions in a positive way. My husband (and two year old) are very happy with the effort I have put forth in not yelling. – Virginia
I know how it feels to go through the difficult and rewarding process of yelling less.
I have also been through this journey.
Back in 2012, I was in a Mom Funk and yelling on a regular basis. I wasn’t happy and I was taking that out on my kids and my husband.
Then one day, after an explosive moment with my then 3 year old, I knew it was time to stop.
So, I put together a plan. I pulled out my workbooks and information I used as a Therapist and made a plan. I wrote in my journaland started to heal from the inside.
I used lots of tips and techniques that I know work and immediately the yelling went away.
And I was happier.
My marriage improved, life with my kids was easier, and I began to thrive.
I went on for about a year and a half in a really good season of life, with no yelling.
Then this past year, life got messy and hard and I yelled a few times at my children. But you know what? I was able to recognize why I was yelling and was able to get back on the path of not yelling really quick.
I didn’t get stuck there because I had the tools to pull myself out of it again.
It is possible to yell less.
“This is by far the best program I have seen. It was down to earth, easy to understand, and in short segments. I wanted to really make a change and this has helped me. It takes work and I mean hard-work to change a behavior like yelling. If you are ready like I was then this program is for you. My children are happier and I am happier. This has even helped my marriage.” -Cris
Hundreds of parents have implemented this plan and are seeing amazing progress within their families.
It works. Click here to see how.
Don’t believe these myths about yelling.
You ARE a good parent.
You are NOT permanently damaging your children.
You are NOT the only one who yells.
You CAN stop yelling.
But you might yell again, and that’s okay.